Sometimes life happens at lightening speed. It can flow effortlessly from morning to night, and then repeat on a rapid cycle. In these seasons of days, weeks, or months I find myself gasping for air. In these times I find myself striving for rest, peace, and just five minutes to be ALONE, which is something I never thought I would need so desperately as an extrovert. I've learned that being an extrovert doesn't mean you NEVER need alone time. Anyone who has a brain, soul, and beating heart needs alone time.
Living in New York is hard. When I say hard I mean it literally takes a strength that you didn't know you possessed just to do simple everyday tasks. Everyone who lives here understands this freakingly intense struggle, and it bonds you together in a way that no one else can understand. I've connected so well lately to people who either have lived in the City before, or frequent it often. It's definitely changed me, but in ways that are subtle and hard to define. I'm sure in the next six months I will have a clearer vision of what that looks like exactly, but right now all I know is that when I go home people notice a change. They look at me a little differently. Maybe it's a good thing.
I find myself resorting to the things that give me respite from the chaos. Most of the times those things consist of Netflix, my bed, lavender essential oil, and Candy Crush. Just bein' real, y'all.
**I long for the ability to RIGHT AWAY focus on Christ and HIS purpose for my life and HIS plan that makes so much sense (even if that sense is to great for my little brain to wrap around.) That is the only way to remain steadfast when my body, mind, and social ability starts to slip. **
This past week and a half in Virginia was amazing on many levels. I was able to record a music video with my musical counterpart Olivia Dyer (at sunrise in the SNOW. Yes, you read that right!) and work my little tail off, all while having time to spend with loved ones. Even though I enjoyed every second of it, there is still only so much one person can do, especially someone with endo. I refuse to blame my tiredness on endo fatigue, but the fact is that I just shouldn't put myself under the amount of physical stress that I do, even though my mind is keeping up with what's going on. The weekend after my time in Virginia was spent with all of my fellow Jamberry Nails leaders at our leadership retreat, and it was incredible. We were able to bond, share success stories, get real with each other and just flat out laugh and relax. It was work, but the kind of work that lets your body catch up on sleep and standing.
I also notice that my ability to act like Jesus is completely hindered when I don't sleep. I am NOT at all blaming my sin or foolishness on fatigue, I'm just saying my self control loosens up and I make mistakes that I probably wouldn't make when I'm in my right mind. THIS IS WHAT LACK OF SLEEP DOES TO ME PEOPLE! Whoa. I got a little passionate there haha! Anywho. If you are reading this and I offended you, please tell me so we can work it out. I'll be the first one to apologize for my dumbness.... then I read THIS VERSE : "It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones." -Psalm 127:2 and man, it got me. I totally try and take on the full weight of supporting Josiah in school, working any and every job I can, "toiling" away for what?! God knows what we need and He will give it to us as long as we are faithful to Him. I wonder how drastically different my life would look if I put as much effort into my faithfulness to God as I did trying to make money. I would probably look a lot different. Jesus, help me to be more like you. Seriously.
I have been combatting my bad eating habits while in VA (I am not even going to go there...just know that I am not a perfect person!) with fresh juice from Green Street, a hole in the wall juice bar by my workplace. They have an 11 ounce juice that they make right in front of you for $5!! Normally it's carrot, beet, ginger, lime, and apple. It tastes like candy :) So I try and get one every morning in place of the $5 I would've spent on coffee beforehand.
I will post more about my favorite endo-diet allowed foods soon! As soon as I find the time to cook up some new recipes I've been hoarding! Until then...
xo Wynt in the City
